Travel Speak/Foreign Menus |
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the
front desk.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During the time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
Italian hotel brochure: This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
Lisbon hotel: If you wish disinfection enacted in your presence, please ring for the chambermaid.
Rome hotel: Fire! It is what can doing, we hope. No fear. Not ourselves. Say quickly to all people coming up down everywhere a prayer. Always a clerk. He is assured of safety by expert men who are in the bar for telephone for the fighters of the fire come out.
Polish tourist brochure: As for the tripe served you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praises to your grandchildren as you lie on your deathbed.
Moscow hotel: If this is your first visit to the U.S.S.R., you are welcome to it.
French hotel: A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers.
French restaurant menu: Extract of fowl, peached or sunnyside up.
Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal towels please. If you are not a person to do such is please not to read this.
Swiss menu: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards and only when lit up.
French swimming pool: Swimming is forbidden in absence of the Saviour.
Spanish hotel ad: The provision of a large French widow in every room adds to visitors' comfort.
Athens hotel: Bowels in sauce. (Tripe!) Chopped up cow with wire through it. (Shish-kebob)
Peoples will left the rooms at midday of tomorrow in place of not which will be more money for hole day.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh vegetables, salads, quiche. 7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings.
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 AM daily.
Hong Kong Tailor Shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
Bangkok Dry Cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Paris Dress Shop: Dresses for street walking.
Rhodes (Greece)
Tailor Shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.
Soviet Newspaper: There will be a Moscow
exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed
over the past two years.
German Camping Site: It is strictly
forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men
and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that
purpose.
Hong Kong Ad: Teeth extracted by the lastest
methodists.
Rome Laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes
here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
Czech Tourist Agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We
guarantee no miscarriages.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket counter: We
take your bags and send them in all directions.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are
requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the
animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist
in women and diseases.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner: Cooles and heates: If you want just condition of warm
in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first,
but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Morocan shop entrance:
'English well speaking" and "Here speeching American".
Foreign Menus
The following are items found overseas in which people have made inappropriate use of
English words for various products, and bizarre menu items in restaurants:
Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion - Poland
Boiled Frogfish - Europe
Buttered saucepans and fried hormones - Japan
Cock in wine/Lioness cutlet - Cairo
Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce - China
Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream - China
French Creeps - L.A.
French fried ships - Cairo
Fried fishermen - Japan
Fried friendship - Nepal
Garlic Coffee - Europe
Goose Barnacles - Spain
Indonesian Nazi Goreng - Hong Kong
Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos - Cairo
Pork with fresh garbage - Vietnam
Prawn cock and tail - Cairo
Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse - Hong Kong
Roasted duck let loose - Poland
Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) - Europe
Strawberry crap - Japan
Sweat from the trolley - Europe
Teppan Yaki, Before Your Cooked Right Eyes - Japan
Toes with butter and jam - Bali
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