The Dangers of Bread |
A newspaper headline read, "Smell of baked bread may
be health hazard." The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking
bread. The main danger, apparently, is the organic components of this aroma may break down
ozone.
How horrible !!! When are we going to do something about bread-induced global warming ???
Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is the government going to go after Big Bread
???
Everyone should think twice regarding bread !!! Research
indicates the following:
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below
average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life
expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high, many
women died in childbirth, and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged
whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough". It has been proven that as
little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats
more bread than that in one month !!!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of cancer,
Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread who were given only
water begged for bread after only two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder"
items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb
water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread
could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into
a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit !!! That kind of heat
can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific
fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, the following
bread restrictions are proposed:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might
associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be
used to promote bread usage.
5. A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers.
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