You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline; It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

-- Frank Zappa

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

-- Ernest Hemmingway

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

-- Winston Churchill

He was a wise man who invented beer.

-- Plato

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

-- Catherine Zandonella

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

-- Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

-- His reply.

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.

-- David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking class.

-- Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

-- Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

-- Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

-- Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

-- Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

-- Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.

-- David Moulton

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.

-- Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

-- Kaiser Wilhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

-- Homer Simpson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

-- Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.

-- George Jean Nathan

They who drink beer will think beer.

-- Washington Irving

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

-- For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

-- Dean Martin

Return to the main humour menu

© Eldred Hospitality Pty Ltd, 2008