Waiter, waiter! |
Yes folks, some of these
are oldies dating back to early vaudeville days, but there are some young folks out there
who have never heard them . . .
Diner
Watch out! Your thumb is in my soup!
Waiter
Don't worry, Sir, - it's not that hot!
Diner
I don't like all the flies here!
Waiter
Well show me which ones you don't like and I'll swat them for you.
Diner
This egg is bad
Waiter
Well, its not my fault - I just laid the table!
Diner
What's your thumb doing on my steak!
Waiter
I didn't want it to fall on the floor again, Sir!
Diner
Waiter, I can't eat this terrible food.
Waiter
Well its no good complaining to me, I won't eat it either.
Diner
Will my hamburger be long
Waiter
No sir, it will be round!
Diner
Is the salmon on the menu wild?
Waiter
No sir, but I could easily upset it for you.
Diner
This food is completely disgusting
Waiter
Well sir, it does say eat dirt cheap outside.
Diner
This coffee tastes like mud!
Waiter
Well it was ground only an hour ago?
Diner
Why is this chop so tough?
Waiter
Its a karate chop, sir!
Diner
I can't find any steak in this steak pie!
Waiter
Well you won't find any horse in the horse-radish either!
Diner
I can't cut this steak!
Waiter
Hold on, sir, I'll get the knife sharpener.
Waiter
Here's a new steak sir. Would you like anything with it?
Diner
A hammer and chisel if it's like the last one.
Not one mention of a fly in the soup? — I guess we'll
have to stick with tradition
Diner to Waiter: "There's a fly in my
Soup "
"Damn flies, they'll eat anything, Sir!
"
"Please don't fuss, Sir, everyone will want one! "
"Its OK, Sir, there's no extra charge!"
"Oh dear, the frog must have missed it!"
"Don't worry, sir. The goldfish will eat it in a minute."
"We can serve it separately if you prefer."
Diner to Waiter: "There's a dead fly in my Soup"
"Its the heat that kills them, Sir."
"Oh dear, it must have committed insecticide."
Diner to Waiter: "What's this fly doing in my Soup"
"Breaststroke!"
"Cadging a free meal!"
"Drowning?"
"Playing polo with the pea, sir!"
And Finally! Diner to Waiter: "How dare you spill soup on my trousers"
"I am sorry sir, but now you have soup in
your fly!"
Diner to Waitress: "How long have you
worked here?"
"About 3 months, Sir."
"Well it can't be you who took my order then!"
Diner
"Can I have coffee please, but no cream "
Waiter
I am sorry Sir, but we are out of cream. Would you like it without milk?
Mum and Dad went to the Restaurant. Dad was about halfway finishing his meal and began to have a hard look at the potato. He called the waitress over and says: "I think this potato is bad".
The waitress picks it up an smacks it an puts it back on the plate and says "If that potato causes any more trouble just let me know".
A man patronized a very busy restaurant which he
hadn't been to for a long, long time. When the waiter arrived at his table, he said
"Do you know - it's 10 years since I've been here!"
The waiter apologized, "I know, but I'm working as fast as I can!"
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