These quotes were taken from various
hotel performance appraisals:

'Since my last report, this empolyee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.'

'His staff would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity'

'Do not breed from this man.'

'This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be.'

'Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.'

'When she opens her mouth, it is only to change feet.'

'He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.'

'This young lady has delusions of adequacy.'

'He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.'

'This person is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.'

'This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.'

'Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing that holds it all together.'

'A gross ignoramus—144 times worse than a normal ignoramus.'

'He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.'

"He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.'

'I would like to go hunting with him sometime.'

'He's been working with glue too much.'

'He would argue with a signpost.'

'He has a knack for making strangers immediately.'

'He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves a room.'

'If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.'

'A prime candidate for natural deselection.'

'Donated his brain to science before he was finished using it.'

'Gates are down, light is flashing, but no train.'

'If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.'

'If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.'

'If you stand close to him you can hear the sea.'

'Its hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm.'

'Some drink from the fountain of knowledge—he only gargled.'

'It takes him 1½ hours to watch 60 minutes.'

'The wheel is turning, but the mouse is dead.'

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© Eldred Hospitality Pty Ltd, 2008