Hospitality Humour Library

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  • What beer does to the intellect . . .
    [private][/private] ... read more
  • Love thy neighbour
    [private] An Australian guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands. Jill, the Australian barmaid takes his order and notices his Australian accent. Over the course of the ... read more
  • A moral tale from the airlines
    [private] As we know, we see discrimination in some form or another almost everyday and often times it leaves a sour taste in our mouths. The following story shows ... read more
  • The best drinking story . . .
    [private] From the State where drinking and driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from Texas . . . Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a ... read more
  • The Hotel Organisation Chart
    [private] [/private] ... read more
  • Why Americans should never travel
    [private] The following are actual stories provided by travel agents: I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near ... read more
  • Performance Appraisal Comments
    [private] These quotes were taken from various hotel performance appraisals: ‘Since my last report, this empolyee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.’ ‘His staff would follow ... read more
  • The Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook
    [private] by Marty Smith, Portland, Oregon from Free Agent March 1987 (a Portland Oregon alternative newspaper), Republished in the Utne Reader Nov./Dec. 1993 We have been lucky to discover ... read more
  • The Taco Bell Value Meal
    [private] or It’s Funny Until It Happens In Your Place On my way home from the second job I’ve taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped ... read more
  • Bar Troubleshooting Chart
    [private] SYMPTOM: FAULT: ACTION: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. Glass empty. Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: FAULT: ACTION: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. ... read more
  • The Five Stages of Drinking & Alcohol warnings
    [private] LEVEL 1: It’s 11:00 on a weeknight, you’ve had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your ... read more
  • The General Manager’s Dinner Party
    [private] Someone at a dinner party asked me if I had any humorous stories to relate from my time in the hospitality industry. It’s not an uncommon request, and ... read more
  • Why consultants should never recommend restaurants
    A humorous article about the danger of recommending restaurants to friends. ... read more
  • Think Strawberries
    This article is was circulated widely in the 1970’s and early 80’s and should be required reading for anybody in the hospitality industry today. Not only is it highly ... read more
  • Travel Speak/Foreign Menus
    [private] In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the ... read more
  • A Soap Opera
    [private] Anyone for a spot of communication? Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel’s staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted ... read more
  • Reservations of an Airline Agent
    [private] (After Surviving 130,000 Calls from the Travelling Public) by Jonathan Lee — The Washington Post I work in a central reservation office of an airline. After more than ... read more
  • The Great Cat Hunt
    [private] It was Sunday Morning; the morning after the night before — and what a long night it had been. The restaurant full of diners, all having a good ... read more
  • You know you drink too much coffee when . . .
    [private] You answer the door before people knock. You ski uphill. You can jump to the moon. You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked. You speed walk ... read more
  • Letter received by a bank . . .
    [private] (Not strictly hospitality, but seeing as most business owners will empathise strongly with this, I’ve included it. Ed.) Dear Bank Manager, l am writing to thank you for ... read more
  • Room Service?
    [private] Be warned, you’re going to find yourself talking “funny” for a while after reading this. This is a telephonic exchange between a hotel guest and room service at ... read more
  • Airline safety and the travelling reporter
    [private] The Chicago Tribune “Travel” section of Sunday, June 6, 1999 reports the experience of its reporter Gabby Plattner who was looking to travel from Kariba to Hwange on ... read more
  • Why Americans should never be allowed to travel
    [private] The following are actual stories provided by travel agents: I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near ... read more
  • Escape instructions
    [private] I had occasion to stay in a hotel in a regional city one night. I booked and paid in advance for a room which turned out to be ... read more
  • Pardon me?
    [private] Old (approx. 1973) but true. This happened in a pub in Liverpool. Bar owner to new member of staff: “Take £5 from the till and go and me ... read more
  • Royal happenings
    [private] An interesting story circulating a major five star Sydney hotel was that of when a certain Persian prince who is part owner of the chain was staying in-house ... read more
  • Departing shot
    [private] It was at one of the better New York City Hotels. I cannot tell you which. About 11 AM, Harry, a long time line cook in the kitchen ... read more
  • Sectarian service
    [private] When I worked at the Omni International Hotel in Atlanta, Georgia; we would have the Southern Baptist Convention every year. As you may or may not know, the ... read more
  • Gonad the barbarian
    [private] There’s this one guy who has got three balls. He went to a bar and got drunk and started bragging about his three balls to some other guys: ... read more
  • Hooray for the bull!
    [private] Spain is known for it’s bullfights, so one day a tourist went to Spain to witness it. After watching the bullfight, he got so hungry that he went ... read more
  • Take stock of yourself
    [private] So, I hire an accomplished cook and bring him in for prep Monday (cafe is closed.) The following conversation ensues; JF: So, do you know how to make ... read more
  • The Spider Monkey
    [private] A man walks into a bar with a spider monkey on his shoulder, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says, “I’m sorry sir, but I do ... read more
  • Slight Change of Plans
    [private] After getting the OK to cater for the wedding on 17th January 1996, I went to the bride’s house to discuss the big day on 19th November 1997. ... read more
  • Ask the Waiter
    [private] “Next the waiter brings you the menu . . . It would be social suicide to ask him what he suggests (a) because that is what everyone else ... read more
  • A case of lost identity
    [private] A crowded United flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He ... read more
  • The Octopus
    [private] A fella walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very ... read more
  • How to complain . . .
    [private] A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in a restaurant. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively ... read more
  • What is a Hotel Manager?
    [private] A Hotel Manager must be a diplomat, a democrat, an autocrat, an acrobat and a doormat. He must have the facility to entertain prime ministers, princes of industry, ... read more
  • The Dangers of Bread
    [private] A newspaper headline read, “Smell of baked bread may be health hazard.” The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread. The main ... read more
  • Hotel Descriptions
    [private] We all know how misleading the description of hotels and motels can be. So we put together a translation table to help you out… So when you see ... read more
  • The Darwinian Reading and Comprehension Test
    Look closely . . . ... read more

Humorous download files

Chowmein (264kb)
The hard working maid (449k)
The Bogan Wedding (2.7Mb)
Nandos Chips (2.5Mb)
Yorkshire Pizza(626k)

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